When Memories Hurt: Creating Emotional Safety in Dementia Care

By Janet Williams, CDP, CADDCT, CMC, Owner of StilMee Florida

When caring for a person living with dementia, families often focus on memory loss, daily routines, and physical needs. Yet one area of care that is sometimes overlooked—but deeply important—is emotional safety. Many older adults carry life histories marked by trauma, whether from wartime experiences, abusive relationships, medical emergencies, or even childhood adversity. Dementia can blur the line between past and present, and what may seem like a small incident to a caregiver can awaken a deep sense of fear or mistrust in the person receiving care.

This is where trauma-informed dementia care comes in.

What Is Trauma-Informed Dementia Care?

Trauma-informed care recognizes that past experiences of trauma can continue to shape how people respond to their environment, even decades later. For someone with dementia, who may already feel vulnerable and disoriented, an unexpected noise, a harsh tone, or a rushed medical procedure can trigger old survival responses like fight, flight, or shutdown.

Instead of assuming “challenging behavior,” trauma-informed dementia care asks:

• What might have happened to this person in the past?

• What could this behavior be telling me about their current sense of safety?

• How can I adapt my approach to reduce fear and promote trust?

By shifting from “What’s wrong with them?” to “What happened to them?” caregivers provide compassion instead of correction.

Common Trauma Triggers in Dementia Care

While every individual is unique, some common triggers that may reawaken old trauma include:

• Medical environments – White coats, needles, or hospital sounds may recall painful past treatments.

• Loud voices or sudden movements – Especially for those who grew up in violent homes or military service.

• Loss of privacy during personal care – Bathing or dressing assistance may be experienced as invasive.

• Isolation or restraint – Feelings of being trapped can surface from earlier traumatic experiences.

Building Emotional Safety

Trauma-informed dementia care means creating spaces and interactions that prioritize safety, dignity, and trust. Families and caregivers can:

• Approach slowly and explain each step of care.

• Use calm, reassuring tones.

• Preserve privacy and modesty during personal tasks.

• Notice body language and signs of distress.

• Validate feelings, even when you don’t understand the cause.

When individuals feel secure, their anxiety lessens, relationships strengthen, and daily life becomes smoother for both care partners and loved ones.

How StilMee Helps Families

At StilMee: The Dementia Coach, we know that every person’s story is unique. Our coaching is built on the foundation that dementia care must consider the whole person—their history, strengths, vulnerabilities, and relationships. Here’s how we help:

• Personalized Coaching: We guide families in recognizing possible trauma histories and tailoring daily routines to minimize triggers.

• Practical Tools: Families receive strategies for communication, redirection, and creating safe environments that honor both emotional and physical needs.

• Family Support: Care partners often feel unsure or overwhelmed when unexpected reactions occur. We walk alongside them, helping them interpret behaviors through a trauma-informed lens.

• Professional Training: For care communities and professionals, StilMee provides education on integrating trauma-informed practices into staff approaches, ensuring that all care interactions preserve dignity and safety.

Trauma-informed dementia care is more than a model—it’s a compassionate way of seeing and responding to the lived experiences of those in our care. When families learn to look beneath the surface and respond with empathy, both the person with dementia and their loved ones experience more peace and connection.