Is it time to move to a Memory Care Community?

Charting the Course

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When You Say “Yes”… and They Say “No”

Most older adults want to stay in their own homes as they age—and who can blame them? Home is familiar. It’s full of memories. It feels safe. But when someone is living with dementia, home can quietly become a place of risk. Maybe they’ve started wandering outside alone. Or fallen. Or forgotten to turn off the stove. Maybe they’re skipping meals or not taking their medications. You’re seeing the signs. You know things aren’t the same.

But here’s the hard part: You’re ready to have the conversation about memory care, and they’re just… not.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many families go through this same emotional tug-of-war—wanting to protect their loved one but not wanting to take away their independence. Deep down, most caregivers hope their loved one will one day say, “I think it’s time to move.” But with dementia, that rarely happens. In fact, many people with cognitive decline lose the ability to fully understand what’s going on.

So… how do you move forward when your heart is torn?

Here’s the good news: With the right approach, support system, and a little planning, the move to a memory care community doesn’t have to feel like a loss. In many cases, it becomes a life-giving transition—for everyone involved. It can feel like home again. And your loved one can thrive in a new, supportive setting.

Let’s talk through some simple but powerful strategies that can make the process smoother for both of you.

1. Make a Plan Together—with Help

This isn’t something you need to figure out alone. Most memory care communities have experienced teams who will help you create a personalized transition plan. That might include quiet visits ahead of move-in day, setting up the room with familiar items, or even helping you figure out how to talk about the move.

2. Don’t Wait for Them to Say Yes

If your loved one is still in the early stages of dementia, they may be able to be part of the decision. But if they’re further along, they may not have the insight to understand why a move is necessary. That’s okay. You’re not being dishonest—you’re doing what’s needed to keep them safe, even if they don’t see it yet.

3. Ease Them In

If possible, take your loved one to visit the community ahead of time. Have lunch together there. Sit in on an activity. Meet the staff. Even short, positive experiences can help the space start to feel more familiar. Many families find that these visits reduce fear and help ease the eventual transition.

4. Tell a Comforting Story

Sometimes, telling your loved one the full truth about the move just isn’t helpful. In those cases, it’s okay to use a simpler, reassuring story. For example:

💬 “The doctor wants you to stay here for a little while so we can do some work on the house.”

💬 “This is just a little retreat to help you rest and stay strong.”

You’re not trying to trick them. You’re helping them feel safe in a moment of confusion. ”Therapeutic fibbing” is endorsed by dementia experts and ethics boards.

5. Expect a Period of Adjustment

It typically takes someone with dementia about 30–45 days to settle into a new living environment. The early days may be bumpy. Your loved one might get upset during visits or ask to go home. It’s heartbreaking—but it’s also normal. Give it time. The staff will help support them (and you) through those tough early days.

Research even shows that many residents start to feel more connected and content within a few months—thanks to routine, social engagement, and gentle support.

6. Choose Words That Feel Good

Some terms—like “memory care,” “Alzheimer’s,” or “facility”—can be upsetting or triggering for your loved one. Try softer language like “community,” “wellness center,” or “neighborhood.” These small shifts in how you talk about things can make a big difference in how they feel.

7. Every Journey Is Different

There’s no one right way to do this. Every person is unique. What works for one family might not work for another—and that’s okay. What matters most is that you lead with love, protect your loved one’s safety, and give yourself grace along the way. Let the care team walk this road with you. Let your friends support you. And most of all, let yourself be a family member again—not just the caregiver.

Final Thoughts

Making the decision to move a parent or spouse into memory care is incredibly difficult. But sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is make the hard call for them—when they can’t make it for themselves. A safe, supportive, engaging environment can offer a whole new kind of “home,” one where they can feel calm, cared for, and connected.

💬 Ready to Talk?

If you need help starting the conversation, exploring communities, or creating a transition plan, I’m here for you.

📥 Contact me today at janet@stilmee.com, 469.471.6943, or click above to Book Online.